Petco-San Jose, CA

Petco, where the pets go!  That's why they have oops bags.

Yes I shop at Petco occasionally because sometimes Target fails to have what I need, namely specialty items like decent cat food.

I volunteered at this Petco for Town Cats a while back and now the Humane Society is there, sad because Town Cats is a no kill rescue 100%, while the Humane Society will send unwanted animals away to be euthanized by another shelter so they say they are a "open door" shelter.

When I was there I used the bathroom many times, this time the bathroom featured a dark atmosphere, no purse hooks, a dirty sink and much more.

Retail sucks, I know this and anyone who has worked it knows it, but it doesn't mean  you leave your bathroom a mess.

I can't understand an employee who will go into the bathroom and not clean it up, especially if she isn't on break.

There were no seat covers, the trash was full and it just felt dirty to sit down in.

The sink was the worst wet mess, there were tacky fake, dusty, plastic plants to show off the bad filtration system and no soap to wash my hands.

Honestly, the store was not busy and regardless of how many signs are up stating "If the bathroom needs attention alert the management  :)" who informs the employees anything less than a diarrhea apocalypse?

It felt genuinely creepy and sad, because employees have to go here too, showing the lack of respect they have for their one private place.

5/10

Tropicana Buffet-San Jose, CA

The Tropicana Buffet was a place filled with loud families, running children and piles of food, so their bathrooms have their work cut out for them

It was a small two stall bathroom with one light barley glowing.

I opened the stall door and saw a trash can for all the personal feminine items and diapers, lots of diapers.  But this wasn't just a normal trash can, it was record for every previous woman who was on her cycle before me.

It did not matter if the toilet was clean, the tp was full, even if the seat covers were not stocked, I wanted to throw up in the bucket, so gross.

Washing my hands wasn't a joy either, the counter was very wet from child after child, unsupervised by a parent, came in and decided to play sink water wars.

Even drying my hands was a hap hazardous adventure because of the rubber-band jerry rigging invented by a redneck third cousin.

Like everywhere else in the restaurant business, it was understaffed and all of the people are overworked and underpaid, no wonder the bathrooms were the last item on the cleaning or fix-it list.  5/10 was the best I could muster, especially because of the bucket trash can lying in wait.

Sa-By Thai Cuisine-San Jose, CA

While babysitting for my friends cats while they went away for over two months they recommended Sa-By Thai, the food was delicious and their bathroom was comically decorated.

It was a rather large bathroom, a little dark, but the colors were lively and in touch with the Thai feel.

However, compared to the rest of the restaurant it was substantially less classy.

All the decorations looked like they were from a hoarders garage sale and falling off the walls.

To embed the ghettoness, notes on construction paper, were posted informing the pubic about how to flush a toilet and how to turn off a light.

I'm sure many individuals forget to have any sense of common courtesy for the next patron, but leaving poorly written and fading notes on your already shabbily painted walls is just bad customer management.

To stop this annoying waste of paper please join me in flushing twice if need be and turning off the light to save some much needed energy.  This will not only help the planet, but help the management focus on important issues, like toilet paper levels.

Yes the paper was stocked, the soap full and it was clean, accept for the dust covered plants, but it was sad to see how nice the rest of the place was compared to this small room.  It would not take much effort repaint, repair and re-design to help match the class just outside the door.

6/10

Smoke Eaters-Cupertino, CA

Smoke Eaters, a popular wing hot spot in the San Jose area, famous for their Hellfire Challenge featured on Man vs Food.

I'm one who only stomach Atomic hot wings and visited the bathroom to wash my hands, not scrape my insides into the toilet.

It was a Tuesday when I visited, 50 Cent Wing Tuesday, busy to say the least, and I was pleasantly surprised to find the two stall bathroom surprisingly decent.

The colors were nice and warm and they turned up the heat in the tiled space.

Everything was stocked nicely and there was a hint of a flowery scent in the air, very surprising for a wing joint.

There was the visual toilet plunger, the full trashcan and the most jarring line of thin dark hair glaring under the florescent lights.

I left my share of hairs everywhere in life, but if you decided to do some grooming between breast bites  pick up your skanky locks with a paper towel, they were stocked by the way.

I also hate it when people blow their noses into the sink.  Oh my god, the noise, the visual splatter, the leavings when I go to wash my hands.  Ew. 

8/10

Safeway: Braving the Men's Room-Campbell, CA

The cliche happened; a long line at the woman's room at Safeway and the men's sat empty.  I decided to open the door and go with a terrified look on the other woman's faces.

I never understood why women fear the men's room, maybe it's the fact men can whip out their urination device, because pee just sprays everywhere because men obviously have no control over their second head.

Yes, there were times where men accidentally sprayed the floor, but urine is very sterile from a healthy human being and the seat was up at the time to avoid splatter on the top seat, so women just sit on the seat, with a cover if you want, and pee.

This bathroom had a basic design and a nice color of tannish-brown read on most of the walls and floor.

An industrial trashcan stood by under the air dryer ready for any heavy duty trash leaking out of a man's pockets.

I laughed at the soap dispenser teetering on the metal bars, no official dispenser was to be seen, it broke I guess and the creativity of placement was amusing.


And there stood the toilet, seat up, clean and proud, not any different from the women's next door.

There was a little but of a urine odor, but it wasn't overpowering and the toilet brush hiding between the sink pipes, it was fine ladies, just fine.

I even left the toilet seat up when I left.

7/10

Panera Bread-San Jose, CA

With its warm atmosphere, fresh baked goods and food Panera Bread was a great place to sit down and eat with friends and family, but how do their bathrooms compare?

The bathroom had a cheery paint job, automatic paper towel dispenser and water faucet, the toilet was push flush and there were cute wooden hooks on the bathroom walls.

It was a two stall restroom, both work, but the handicap stall toilet was not flushed.

Also, the floor was a little dirty and the bathroom was so cold.

Bad elevator music was playing, bouncing off the tile, irritating my ears with repetitive mellow tones.

It was an okay visit, but nothing stands out here, everything was safe and standard.

I'm not saying this bathroom needed to be a strange alien world or so uniquely different it blew my mind, it was functional, but I wish there was a personal flare instread of a boxcutter image made for everyother Panera Bread.

Bathrooms should be a sanctuary, especially whith the buisness being done.  This one attempted it, but it was too cold, literally, and empty of personality to reach any emotion for me.

Sad, just another average restroom, full of average design and music.  7.5/10

Barnes and Noble-San Jose, CA

Barnes and Noble usually has a decent restroom, but there were times it was left to be an unholy mess.  Let see if it was true for this toilet spelunker.

Upon entering it was a well lit 3 stall layout with a classic white and green tile design most Barnes and Noble bathrooms have.  

The tile did not look too grimy and all the doors worked, were equipped with purse hooks and loaded with toilet paper and seat covers.

Temperature wise, it was a little chilly, but not to the point were my buttocks produced goosebumps when exposed.

I hate the cheap toilet paper many major big-box companies use in their stores though.  It's thin and scratchy, making the cleaning process a long and painful one.  

I would think using better paper would lower a company's cost because people would use less, but what do I know about money?  I just my by butt to be in comfort.

In the stall I chose there was a sticker from a shirt stuck to the wall.

OK, how lazy do you have to be to not throw away a piece of trash in the bathroom of all places?  That was just the laziest litterbug right there, in the stall before me.

Enjoy that t-shirt made by a child starving to death in Bangladesh and leave your trash stuck to the wall while your at it for somebody else to clean up and don't forget to recycle.

To quell my litterbug fury,  both the soap, the paper towels were full and the sink was clean.

Overall the Barnes and Noble bathrooms were a good stop to make.  Clean, well lit and well stocked, there was little to fear.  9/10

New India Chaat Cafe-San Jose, CA

New India Chaat Cafe had the best Indian food I've ever tasted, but this wasn't about the phonomonal food, it was about the porcelain throne.

I'm holding off on the picture for a moment to explain how overwheling the bathroom was.  Not because it was litered with toilet paper, covered in the smell of fecal matter, dripping with soap puddles, no, in fact it was pretty clean.

The smell was tolerable, again no purse hook, the light was bright, but since the colors were not some steirl white the floresent litghting wasn't too horrible.

In fact the design of the bathroom was so surprisingly unique I burst out laughing.

Just look at it.

Why are there ropes?

I saw a kinky woman riding on them as I sat down just to marvel at the design thoughts of the owner.

"Ropes, like a curtain, kinky no?"

My thoughts, "No, not really."  I just saw a bunch of germs clinging to them from the leaping butt matter esaping the toilet and small children hanging on them like big rats.  Nothing appealing in the image.

And look at the pink.

No definition on any of the patterns, just pink, peto bismol on the walls, perfect if you had an upset stomach from the spicy food I guess.

What was the point of cutting out designs, slapping them on the walls and painting them the same color as the wall?

The obscene design stands out the most.  Everything else is fine, but the pink and the ropes border on the funny-weird.

For the verdict: the ropes blared unsanitary, but amused me like the pink on pink wall design.  Just because this was a very unique bathroom and it amused me so much I thought a 8/10 would be nice, even if the floor was a little dirty and the room a little chill.

Holder's Country Inn-San Jose, Ca

When have gone to Holder's Inn with my family for my whole life and the food, great American fair, but were the bathrooms up to par?

Since this was a muti-stall bathroom I only minus half a point for each offence because these bathrooms were designed to hold more people and leeway was warranted for this fact.

The design of the bathroom reached out from the 70s, but it was not in a good way, even though the pink tile and worn pink counter top still works doesn't mean it doesn't make a modern woman's eye twitch.

Some toilet paper was littering the floor, the cover seats were out and the tile was grimy.

They probably do not clean unless necessary and the end of the day, but it still looks gross.

Thankfully both stalls locked, that was a rarity, and finally somebody thought purse hooks were a good idea, because it wouldn't be good business to piss off all those old granny's coming by to munch on some pancakes without need for their dentures.

Also, there was some awesome reading material if you forgot your smartphone.  But it was hard to read in the light.

Don't see much of the bathroom stall advertising anymore actually.

It was a little cold in there too and I really hate the paper towel roll just sitting on the counter, getting wet and gross.  Ew.

Items like paper towels and toilet paper should not be left out in the bathroom because it was just gross to think about the wet paper clinging to my fingers and butt.

Overall, Holder's Inn was an average booty stop at 7.5/10 for a multi-stall bathroom.

Starbucks-Downtown San Jose, CA, Santa Clara and Third Street

Starbucks is a major company serving coffee literally to millions of people daily all over the world, but how do their bathrooms stand up to the masses of butts on their toilet seats?

 From this picture not bad.  There were a few scraps of toilet paper on the floor, but all together very clean and fully stocked.

I also liked the warm lighting in the bathroom.  It is so much better than the blaring florescent lights many restrooms have.  It just feels too sterile for my taste.  I don't feel any cleaner, but dirty and cold.

The temperature was very nice to the skin and I know it can be hard to keep a tiled room warm.

Design wise it was smart to keep the floors dark and the tile a nice warm yellow color to make the bathroom still feel welcoming, just like a cup of coffee.

The only peeves I had with the bathroom was the need for an access code.  I understand Downtown San Jose has an issue with people using the restrooms for drugs, but is a code going to stop me from heating up the heroin in a spoon?

Another issue was a lack of a purse hook. Again, I used the door handle to hold my purse above the smeared piss invisible to the naked eye.

For how many people who visit the restroom it was a pleasantly clean and a warm visit.

7.5/10

Togos, Downtown San Jose, CA

Togo's, a California staple since it first opened it's doors over forty years ago.  Cheap sandwiches, fresh bread, fast service and excellent quality, you can expect a decent bathroom visit here.

When I entered it was a little cold to the skin, but there was no chemical spell to behold and the bathroom was practically spotless, except for little bits of TP.

Everything was stocked and the music playing wasn't too bad, just a modern rock station to help pass the gas.  There were also historical pictures, news clippings to help keep you entertained if you forgot your phone and it beats reading the wash your hands sign over and over.

However, no purse hook, dusty fake plants and even though the place was well lit, it sterile white and grey made me feel like I was peeing in a cut for a medical exam.

Another issue was the toilet brush sitting right there in plain eye view, yuck, and the orange caution cone did not help, especially with the thoughts of my purse hitting the wet floor.

I hate asking for a key to pee, I feel like a small child when I have too.  I understand there were people who did drugs in your bathroom, but did I look like a heroine addict?

As for score a 6/10, it's clean, but the fact you have to ask for a key and look at the gross toilet brush did not help its measure in pleasure.

Tandoori Oven, Campbell, CA

 Tandoori Oven is one of my favorite Indian resturants mainly because they try to keep the food authentic, but have western fusions as well.  After a meal of rice, curry and some delicious nann it is preferable to visit the restroom to cleanse the pores from any spicy debris left.

I  entered to the smell of harsh chemicals reached my nostrils, immediately making me feel a little sick.  Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but trying to keep a bathroom clean with overpowering bleach smell is an extreme way to keep the toilet free of germs.

After recovering from the smell the bathroom has a nice decor and wasn't too dirty, only a few pieces of toilet paper.  The toilet was clean, the mirror clean, the garbage was a little full, but not overflowing and to the right there was a nice image of a painted butterfly to lighten the mood.  In fact there were nice designs all around the bathroom.
They could stand to replace the red tile, but it's a standard kitchen tile, easy to clean and cheap.

However, the toilet paper was rather low and no toilet seat covers to be found.  Far from a catastrophe, but maintaining a well stocked bathroom was essential to a high score. For a plus,
the soap was filled, the paper towels well stocked when washing up.

Another minus was how there was not any hooks or tables to put my purse down on.  I do not care how clean the floor looked, it was still covered in wet nasty germs waiting to cling onto my purse.  There also was not a changing table, sorry moms have to change the baby where dinner was served.

Overall an average experience: 6.5/10

The Public Bathroom Horror Story

The door creeks open to a mess of paper towels on the cold concrete floor, soap covered sinks and wads of toilet paper on the ceiling.  A damp left over gym sock smell reaches into your nostrils, burning your eyes into a watery blur and you walk over pushing open one of the brown stall doors with a screech.  A flickering florescent light clicks off for a second, leaving you alone with the cold stench wrapping around you, the light flicks back on and you see the remains of toilet paper on the rim with bits of leftover scrapings from the last visitor to this john.  Oozing water slicks the floor with dirt and blackened things trying to stick to your shoes.  Little yellow drops decorate the seat and the rim is dotted brown on the inside with a lingering sticky smell.

Doing duty is a dirty business at times and I know many of you have experienced a situation similar to the bathroom horror story above.  I do not like going into dirty bathrooms, no one does, and I thought it would be nice and funny, to write bathroom reviews for the johns I visit.  

Each bathroom will be rated on the following attributes:

Cleanliness

Paper Stock

Smell

Decor

Lighting

Temperature

and anything else relevant to the royal toilet experience.

Please just enjoy the fun and thank you for reading.

Joelle Driver